My Exodus

My time in the valley was very difficult, but it eventually proved to be a blessing. All of the busyness in my life came to a screeching halt. In my weakened state, I no longer had the energy to pop into a phone booth, put on my cape and fly off to rescue someone else. I was keenly aware that I needed to focus on myself and figure out who would rescue me.

This was no easy feat, Ughhhh I can remember the internal darkness and the emptiness that enveloped my soul and spirit. I immediately wanted to go back to what was comfortable for me, which was being a mom. So I quit my full time job and went back home to take care of my family. The thought of sending my three kids off to school with a hot breakfast and a nicely packed lunch every day brought a flicker of light to my soul. However, that flicker was quickly extinguished the following Monday when my children who were 11, 13, 15 at the time awakened early, made their own breakfast and lunch and headed off to school before I woke up. I was devastated that my children didn’t need me as much anymore. I then had a bright idea…I asked my husband if we could have another baby, he quickly said, “NO!”  One of the best decisions he ever made, however I didn’t think so at the time. For this decision meant that I could not go back to taking care of someone who was completely dependent upon me…a new baby.

His decline to my request moved me to think about other relationships in my life. You see, I seem to be quite comfortable with taking care of others. For most of my friendships seem to be one-sided. When I tried to change the dynamics of those relationships and look for support, most of them would not budge. They seem to want things to stay the same, so I was frustrated and angry that I could not receive what I had given out.

So here I sit face to face with this villain called Depression. What is it? I learned, it to be anger turned inward over an extended period of time. So I asked myself, “What are you angry about?” I was angry because I couldn’t answer the more important question, “Who am I?  Outside of being a mom, a wife and a rescuer?” I knew the answer would not come overnight, nor could I answer it alone.

I was afraid to deal with this anger and emptiness alone. I would need the help of my Heavenly Father. Finally without looking for distractions or blaming others, I did a lot of soul searching and seeking Godly wisdom as I daily pondered the question, “Who Am I?”  I discovered that I am a woman of God who began to do things in His power instead of my own. My focus shifted from taking care of others, to imitating Christ and bringing glory to God, which includes giving myself permission to take care of me before I go taking care of someone else.  I often remind myself, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” I also find great joy in helping others to tap into His love, strength and wisdom.

Yes,  Israel made their Exodus out of Egypt with the help of our Heavenly Father. In his infinite love, wisdom and power he parted the Red Sea, dried the sea bed and congealed the waters. Spectacular indeed!  But closer to my heart is, he helped me make my Exodus out of the valley of depression. He extended his wings of strength and allowed me to climb onto his pinions as he lifted me up out of this dark place. (Exodus 19:4) I learned I no longer needed a cape to fly because I’m now soaring at greater heights on wings of His love and because of Him…I believe I can fly.

So I ask ladies…Who are you and how do you fill your cup? Join me this Saturday for our next session of “Sip Coffee with Cathy” as we discuss shedding the guilt while we fill our cups so we can soar!

26 thoughts on “My Exodus”

  1. I see your page is outranked by many competitors in google.
    You should spy their backlinks and use them for your site and you will hit top 1 very fast.

    There is tricky tool for this, just search google for ; rilkim’s tips

    1. Hi there…thank you so much for your suggestion. Unfortunately I’m just learning the ins and outs of social media. I appreciate your help. I’ve started a new video blog on YouTube. Here is the link…please like, share an enjoy! https://youtu.be/1XLvSRvrfJc and join me every Monday.

  2. I also have employed the art of writing in my personal diary. Thanks for recommending writing for the soul.

    1. You’re welcome. It is one of the greatest gift we can give to ourselves. Remember how we used to measure our growth with a yard stick when we were little. Journaling helps us measure our growth as adults. Keep writing and nurturing your soul. I love the depth your sharing brings to our discussions. Love you.

  3. I am: Barbara-Joyce-Wilbourn-Louis-Washington.
    Reflecting back on my life, I noticed that sometimes I allowed others to fill my cup. Sometimes I had so many cups, that they went empty. Sometimes my cup just overfollowed.
    Here is a break down of my life from
    0-50 and beyond:
    0 years-10 years-Doing what you’re told
    10 years-20 years-People pleaser
    20 years-30 years-Trying to find yourself
    40 years-50 years-Juggling life
    I’m now at the 50 years-60 years stage-The awakening
    How do I fill my cup? My cup is filled with agave tea, for that is what really soothes me.

    1. Well go on Barbara-Joyce-Wilbourn-Louis-Washington, with your bad self!!! Love your description of yourself. I’m so happy to be in the 50-60 age group. Who knew it would be so wonderful. Is it agave tea or agape’ tea:-). I love then both. Kudos to you for knowing who you are what soothes your soul.

  4. We often define who we are by the relationships around us and the people that we willingly and sometimes surprisingly allow in our lives. Depression can sometimes stem from fear of change. As much as we openly express our desire to grow and change and mature, change is not easy by no stretch of the imagination and change often comes with growth pains, it’s so much easier to grasp for that which feels normal, easy in our minds. But even depression if we make a conscious choice to not live in that space, too ignites change. Life journey has shown me many things including change is inevitable. How we embrace and accept it is another one of life’s lessons

    1. Wow!!! Beautifully said Tammy. My trip through the valley did indeed ignite change. Change can be very difficult…it’s the struggle through the cocoon that creates the beauty of the butterfly. Why do we most often choose to stay in the cocoon, instead of flying??? Great response Tam Tam!

  5. I have been asking myself “who am I”. I found that I have been selling myself short. I am so much more than a caregiver, sister, aunt and friend. I am fearfully and wonderfully made( Psalm 139:14)

    I fill my cup by:
    Reading my bible
    Praying
    Laughing with my loved ones
    Catching up on much needed sleep
    Accomplishing mini tasks daily

    1. Awwww…I love your response. How beautiful. Yes you are wonderfully made;-) You do a great job of keeping your cup full. Looks like your cup is brewing something special. You’re always so pleasant to be around, you bring such a positive spirit with you. Thank you for being you!

  6. Today blog was very POWERFUL and DEEP on so MANY levels. Cathy honesty and openness I am drawn too.I loved EVERY single thing that was mentioned because it was REAL.
    Being VERY imperfect its so easy to forget how much we NEED JEHOVAH in every way and in everything.

    I can understand your frustration when turning to friends who failed to be there when you NEEDED them or expected them to be there.I just want to say YOUR ANGER was GREATLY justified. “Some” people concentrate too much on the emotion of anger – but ALL ANGER really is — just feelings of major HURT and disappointment. REAL friends aren’t just one-sided, a real relationship is about give and take, so many people have no clue of this concept, so they fail at friendship and relationships.They in turn miss out on a true friend. -stronger!
    Today Cathy, you are a STRONGER person, your relationship and appreciation for Jehovah has deepen because of your depression.You now also have the KNOWLEDGE of who your “REAL” friends are . You are ahead of A LOT of people because some people STILL have no idea who their true/ real friends are. Depression is no JOKE but surviving and coming out on the other side—- WHICH is being STRONGER, WISER and having ABSOLUTELY no bitterness from the experience is a BEAUTIFUL thing!!!!—What power you have achieve!

    DONT CHANGE– BECAUSE I GREATLY admire and respect you.

    ps — ‘ ONLY a “SECURE” person can be vulnerable and OPEN, keep up the good work, AND continue loving YOU.

    1. Thank you Lisa for your support and words of encouragement. I felt very vulnerable posting this blog, but my desire to help other women was stronger than the emotion of being vulnerable. Again, this dark place proved to be a blessing and sharing my story has been an even greater blessing. My friendships now are richer and more valuable than before. I am blessed to be in healthy relationships with “an interchange of encouragement.” Thanks again for your love and support.;-)

  7. I agree that as a woman i take the lead in helping others. This makes me feel good. Sometimes I go over board. I know, because what i do is not always appreciated. I have learned to act with discretion, but never becoming bitter. My husband reels me back before I go to far. I really appreciate our friendship. I always feel better telling him how I feel……he listens!

    1. That is wonderful Catherine. It’s not always easy trying to keep the balance. It’s nice when we have someone to remind us. Hat’s off the Mr. Brown for being a good listener;-)

  8. I am a happy, fun-loving, driven, strong, caring , spiritual woman. I am a life long learner, who has a big heart to hold those who show me love.

    I like to refill my cup by:
    1) Going on vacation
    2) Hanging out with my close girlfriends and being myself.
    3) Taking myself on a date, just me. (Breakfast, Massage, Shopping, Lunch and a nice nap and just reflecting on life, goals and things I can work on.

    1. Wow!!! Beautiful. Who would not want to sip what’s brewing in your cup! It is a smooth blend of life. It is such a gift being a part of your brewing process. I love what’s coming through the filter. See you on Saturday Ms. Keeshi!

  9. Being generous and responsible for our communication and interactions with those who surround us will bring new forms and shapes to what we know as ourselves. Who I know myself to be, right now, being fully present to this interaction is my word, and my word alone.
    Beautiful post Cathy.

    1. Thank you Heidi! I can truly say that description of you has been demonstrated on so many levels. In my interactions with you, you have always given the gift of being fully present and engaging, and you have proven to be a woman of your word. I thank you for that. Looking forward to our next brew;-)

  10. I look forward to reading your thoughts every Monday now! I am in a place of trying to find myself outside of motherhood and my job! I am working on a closer relationship to my father God and learning to hear from him every day. I have experienced some exciting spiritual connections to him lately and I’m so excited about where he’s taking me through prayer and this program you have set up Cathy! (I don’t know where that is yet but I believe it’s gonna be good!) Can’t wait til Saturday March 28th! I believe it’s all in Devine order! Til then girls, let’s be good to OURSELVES!

    1. Indeed! I’m so proud of your growth Kiki. Keep up the good work. It is a beautiful thing when we notice our spiritual appetite increasing and our Heavenly Father is there to continuously feed us. It has been such a blessing to see the growth that has taken place amongst our group. I’m looking forward to Saturday too. It will be like a shot of espresso in a cup of coffee with a smooth blend. See you soon my friend;-)

    1. My pleasure Kathy! I’m amazed at the response I’ve been getting. I love the sharing that takes place on this blog. Thank you for your support.

  11. Preach it!
    I’m just about speechless after this one. I’ve been there, angry and confused ready to cast the blame on others before really looking at myself as to the real “why”.
    Thank you, thank you for this blog. We are never alone!

    1. You’re very welcome Lori. Yes, it is sometimes hard to turn the mirror and look at ourselves, but only then can we discover our truth and answer those soul searching questions that will add depth and richness to our lives and give us the courage to set boundaries in current relationships and/or develop new ones that is mutually gratifying. Mmmmm…now that’ a warm brew;-)

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