Adam & Eve Moments…

I was recently asked to share “words of wisdom” for a lasting marriage. As I approach my 32nd wedding anniversary I had to stop and think of what lesson I’ve learned that would be most beneficial to new couples. My response was, “learn how to create Adam and Eve moments,” so as to truly be a complement to your husband. You see when Adam was created, he spent many, many years alone working on his God given assignment; that of naming the animals. I would imagine this took quite some time. Adam no doubt studied the animals so as the give them the appropriate name highlighting their characteristics. If you have ever seen a sloth, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Adam perfectly named this animal.

Finally after Adam completed this assignment God told Adam, “it is not good for you continue by yourself, I’m going to make a helper for you, a complement.” (Genesis 2:18) Adam was elated to meet his new bride. He probably could not wait to show her around their beautiful garden home and introduce her to all of the animals he’d named. She no doubt was amazed at his wisdom and the choice of names he decided to give to each animal. These had to be beautiful moments they both shared and enjoyed together which only strengthened their relationship I’m sure.

Well we all know what happened after that! Their sin certainly changed the dynamics of the family unit. (Gen 3:16) Fast forward thousands of years after Adam and Eve, are there times in our relationships with our mates, or other men in our lives that we can allow them to feel the joy of teaching us women something that is dear to them? Let’s face it women, we are very smart and can be efficient at doing so many things. I recently read an article in Essence magazine and it referred to women as “Chief Everything Officers.” Who knew…we are all CEO’s. Just imagine what it’s like to try to lead women today who are now holding down a home and career and sometimes in leadership roles. How are men ever going to have an “Adam and Eve” moment? If you have good men in your lives who are working hard to earn your love and respect, then why not look for opportunities to create them.

When I’m spending time with my husband and he is sharing something dear to him that I already know, I ask myself…Which need is greater at this moment, for him to teach me something or my need to show him how much I know? Most often the need for him to teach me something is greater, and I’m okay dwelling in that moment. I did not always feel this way, but with age comes wisdom…sitting in this “Adam and Eve moment” teaches me something new about my husband, it is not a battle of the minds, it is two hearts joining together to share something special. I try to listen to different nuances of the subject and read his body language rather than thinking about what I know. This has been a beautiful transition.

This weekend I had another Adam and Eve moment if you will. My son gave his first public Bible discourse on the subject. “How the Bible Transforms Lives.” As I was sitting in the audience the overwhelming feeling that kept dancing through my mind and simmering into my heart was, “Wow…my son is teaching me.” As I sat in this place, I was saturated with many pleasant emotions such as, gratitude, pride, love, happiness and joy, just to name a few. Some of these emotions could have been inhibited if I would have continued to see this young man as just “a boy.” (Jeremiah 1:6.7) I was happy to be in this trans-formative state of allowing my son to teach me. “Another Adam and Eve moment,” indeed!

I am committed to looking for opportunities to create these moments in other relationships in my life, with my dad, my brother, my nephews and the list goes on. From where I stand, I will always be learning something because in these moments we are not sharing head knowledge, but with the right perspective we are sharing pieces of our heart.

Okay ladies…had any “Adam and Eve moments” lately? Let’s brew something special…let me hear your thoughts.

20 thoughts on “Adam & Eve Moments…”

  1. This was good stuff! Especially the advice to focus on the body language or facial expressions of “Adam”. It can make a familiar ride new!

    1. Indeed! Body language is 55% of human communication, tone is 38%, words just 7%. There is more in the body language than the words. Keep looking…with eyes of exploration, you will find something new. Enjoy your Adam…he’s a keeper. Thanks for joining our discussion.

  2. Because I have yet to marry, I have not shared any Adam and Eve moments but I am always open to be educated by a man, men. I have had many Adamless moments which have made me focus on who I am as a woman, and what positive qualities I would be able to bring into a relationship. Like Adam, I’ve spent many years without the presence of a mate which has given me a significant amount of time to figure out who I am. I always enjoy speaking to my brothers ,nephew and just hearing men share their thoughts, ideas, and experiences. I so adore men, outside of the “relationship” arena. It seems like those letters R.E.L.A.T.I.O.N.S.H.I.P changes the dynamics. The best role or position I can be in is allowing men the freedom of expression in my presence, nothing to lose or gain just raw, real moments, to be in a role where a man see’s you simple as one of the fella’s . What a great role to be in, nothing to lose with a lot to gain.

    1. Wow!!! I’m speechless. What a great place to be. One aspect of coaching that I love is the be able to create that space for great conversation, but I don’t think it’s the same as what you described. I’ve seen you in action with your football knowledge, your basketball knowledge, talking smack with the fellas, but I’ve never heard you express what you do so eloquently. Thanks for sharing Tam Tam!

  3. This was a really great cup of coffee. I have been in a wonderful relationship and for a lil over 5 years and I just recently thought to myself how boring we have become over the years. Yes we share some “Adam and Eve” moments but I’m a know it all. I don’t like to be told the same thing over and over BUT this gave me insight! Its okay to listen and take everything your mate is telling you to enjoy the moment while it last! Thanks Cathy for this cup of coffee it was well needed and an eye opener!

    1. Thank You Kemia, and welcome to our discussion. Yes the words in his story might be the same, but there is a reason he’s re-telling the story. Is he trying to impress you? Did he learn something new about the same topic? Does this particular story in his life just make him happy? There is always something to learn especially in long term relationships, we just have to keep our eyes and ears open…it can be a beautiful moment;-) Thank you for sharing your thoughts…we look forward to you joining future discussions Kemia.

    2. My pleasure Miya! Being in a relationship takes consistent effort and work especially if we want to keep the relationship fresh and new. This sometimes involves being able to look at the same old things from a different perspective. I’ve been with my husband for 32 years, guess how many stories I’ve heard more than once? I’m enjoying the fact that he can tell me the story without the interruption of kids and other distractions. I’m able to be in that moment with him and be fully present. What a gift this has been! Five years now-a-days is a long time, continue to look for the moments to keep it fresh and new.

  4. This is an area where I can definitely work on. I’ll look for future opportunities to have my adam and eve moments.

    1. We are all works in progress. I didn’t get to this place over night. Pace yourself my friend you’re moving in the right direction;-)

  5. I really enjoyed this, as you know I’m only on my 3rd year of marriage and sometimes he will tell me stories things that I have already heard, but Im going to stop saying, ” you already told me about that”, and just laugh at the punchline. Great post!

    1. Thank you Teri and welcome to our forum. Isn’t it interesting when we’re dating we think every thing they do is so cute. We will listen to the same story over and over again and look into his eyes, or look at his hands and find them so attractive? For some reason that seems to change when we get married, so I’m dedicated to remembering those special moments and noticing the new things that can be found in old stories. Yeap…a good laugh will go a long way in a lasting marriage;-)

  6. I am a new bride so everything is really new to me. I hate to admit it but I am guilty of trying to be a know it all but I do find myself calming down from that. I’m learning that it’s ok to relax and just learn. Me and my new husband have Adam and eve’s moments more then I thought, especially when we’re in the kitchen cooking together, or just watching one of our shows together.

    1. Congratulations newlywed and welcome Lena to our forum. Yes, it really is okay to relax. I can truly say that I didn’t learn this until later on in my marriage. I’m happy to have this forum where we as women can support one another and share success stories and words of wisdom. Enjoy your Adam and Eve moments and be determined to continue to build upon your relationship. I’m 32 years in and I feel like this stage of my marriage is better than the honeymoon stage. I truly cherish it as a gift from God.

  7. Even though I have not had any Adam and Eve moments due to never being married. I LOVE this topic – because not only do I love being a woman but I TRULY LOVE the role that our creator has given woman.

    To be honest I didn’t always enjoy or appreciate the role of a woman, because in my late teens I thought that a woman’s role wasn’t FAIR ! So one day I decided to do personal study on what and how our creator TRULY viewed woman. One of the books I read during my research was the * Family Happiness* book! – (The green book that came out I think in the 80s. ) This book CHANGE my feelings immediately, my heart and attitude change immediately. After I read the book, I cried and cried, I was DEEPLY touch on how Jehovah truly LOVES us and WANTS us to be so happy and successful! – My appreciation for Jehovah grew so much from reading and meditating on this book! I realize so MUCH, things that I didn’t SEE before , one of the things that I realize is that there was nothing wrong with the role of a woman, in fact it was a BEAUTIFUL ROLE!!!– The man’s role was to care love and PROTECT us woman! What I didn’t like was abuse of power! – So MANY men have ABUSED their power and been so selfish that * IF * you’re a good woman you suffer badly. I seen so MANY woman abused physical but also emotionally, I also seen so MANY beautiful women who victimized by adultery that was NOT their fault, just them being married to a greedy unappreciative man!- ( I can HONESTLY say I HATE ADULTERY WITH A PASSION!!!)

    Once I realize what was eating me up, I was able to change my attitude. Its like I went from hot water to cold. Its amazing what knowledge and understanding of the bible can do for us!
    I’ve never been a controlling person in fact I am free spirited, so following a mans lead is not an issue!- In order for me to marry I MUST be able to RESPECT, TRUST and be VULNERABLE-!!!
    ALL these qualities are ALL * EQUALLY* important to me! – If I don’t feel ALL of these 3 qualities for the man I date or admire- I REFUSE to marry!- The wedding day and the white dress is NOT that important to me! Its the * CHARACTER * of the man I am going to marry that’s EXTREMELY important to me! – How does he treat people??? Does he love AND demonstrate his love for God???- Does he SEE my weakness and faults and STILL choose to LOVES me???

    I have NOT dated much because I used to be VERY scared of marriage due to all the FEARS I heard and seen growing up. Now that I am 39 yrs old some people will say ” So YOU never been married? – and my response is ” No I’ve NEVER been divorce! ”

    Being single and not dating a WHOLE lot has given me so much time to learn from others mistakes, learn about myself and learn about what I NEED emotionally from a man. When I do marry I now KNOW what kind of wife I TRULY want to be!-

    Years ago I read this book from the Library called – * THE Surrendered Wife* – this book was so AWESOME that I read it in two days and end up buying the book. I still own it today, the author Laura Doyle has a lot of excellent points!- Demanding, controlling, demeaning wives WILL NOT make a happy wife or bring on a successful marriage. The more a woman *SURRENDERS* to her husband, the more happy she WILL be ! –Isn’t that what we ALL really want * HAPPINESS*???– Finally, at the age of 39 I am NOT afraid of marriage. I not ONLY want to surrender to my husband BUT I NEED to surrender to him in order for me to feel LOVED and SAFE!!!!

    I STILL have so much to learn, but I am glad I have the knowledge of a woman’s role. I am also glad I NOW KNOW how important AND beautiful that role is and how I TRULY want to cater and surrender to my future husband who ever that should be!

    No, I don’t have an Adam and Eve story yet but hopefully in the future I will have some good ENCOURAGING stories to share. No marriage is perfect.( 1 Corinthians 7:28)- Yet there have been so MANY woman with AWESOME attitudes who have set a good example for ME on what it means to be a good supportive wife who Builds up her home instead of tearing it apart!–I am FOREVER indebted to these WISE women as I continue to grow!

    PS– Cathy, almost 32yrs of marriage!- What a example for me, I know relationships aren’t easy BUT you have endured through, your husband STILL loves you!, I AM VERY , VERY observant, I SEE that! – * YOU* are INDEED beautiful outwardly and have so much inner beauty. Keep up the Good work!- CONGRATULATIONS- You set an excellent example for me!

    1. I applaud you Lisa, because you used your time as a single woman to dig deep and discover what the intended role is for a woman. Your time as a single person has given you much time to ponder, reflect and observe. I have no doubt that when Mr. “Right” comes along you will be prepared to be a complement and a support person. You are such a deep thinker and your words of wisdom as a will help many. Thank you for always being so open and vulnerable in our forum. I can see why Love, respect, and the ability to be vulnerable with your future husband. Not many people know how to handle this type of candor, I’m so happy you have chosen to share yourself with us.

      Thanks again Lisa for the great story.

  8. I had to laugh when I read this because I know it’s true of myself to be a “know it all” by personality and zodiac sign! I used to deny it but I have in the last few years learned this to be true. It feels good to see the look in people’s eyes when I allow them to teach me something (even if I already know it lol)! Thank u for confirmation that it’s the right thing to do 🙂 From a “know it all” to a “enthusiastic learner”

    1. Awwww…what a beautiful transition Kiki. Being an enthusiastic learner is a great place to be. In this space we not only listen with our ears, but we listen with our heart. This level of listening deepens relationships and our minds and hearts to endless possibilities. There just might be something new on a subject we thought we knew so well;-) Thanks for your honesty Kiki…we are all working on something. This brewing process has been amazing.

  9. I have had Adam and Event moments. I am starting to have more of those moments now that I have learned to fall back. With being a CO… Lol, I learned I never had a chance to have a lot of those Adam and Eve moments because I was in the way. So now I sit back and allow him to teach me and watch with enthusiasm. It is still work in progress because the first thing the CEO wants to do is take over if anything goes wrong….lol

    1. How beautiful Keeshi! I have watched you grow in this area and you are looking good girl! It’s that imperfection thing going on that makes us automatically want to take over. I didn’t get to this place of quiet observation overnight, but I can tell you its a less stressful and peaceful place to be. You truly are the CEO of your own business so it’s probably like a 360 for you when you come home. I applaud your efforts. You ROCK Keeshi!

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