No Peace for Me…

I recently had a situation where I felt like I needed to reach out to someone I thought I might have offended. Oh, how my heart, soul and mind was in total conflict. You know the conversations we have with ourselves to justify not addressing the situation? They sound a little like this, “it won’t do any good, they will never change, it wasn’t all my fault, and they should be calling me!” These are our default phrases to justify staying on the path of least resistance, comfortable but not peaceful. From this vantage point it’s never about us, it’s always about “them.” We excuse ourselves from going deep enough to examine the real emotions behind why we won’t have the real conversation to resolve the issue and restore peace. I was indeed feeling fear and a lack of courage. My internal peace had been stripped away and I was just plain tired of the conflict that was going on inside of me. So I decided to get real with myself in a quest to restore my inner peace. I believe that peace with God and peace with yourself are two of the greatest gifts in life. So have a seat and grab a cup of coffee as I share with you the internal conversation I had with myself by way of poetry. Poetry seems to be a place of deep discovery for me.

Between the voice in my head and the traitorous heart in my chest, how will my soul and spirit ever again be able to rest? When I sit in silence my inner voice yells at me; spewing lies and untruth that sting like a bumble bee. (Could it actually be the sting of truth?)

Like an allergic reaction to the stinger a bee leaves behind, the physical manifestation of this internal conversation goes unnoticed only to the emotionally blind. My countenance falls, my energy wanes and my knees buckle. My chest aches and my stomach churns as if I’ve been punched with a brass knuckle.

After much prayer and meditation, the yelling stops and the dust finally settles; the inner wisdom bubbles up as if from the moisture of a whistling tea kettle. The message seems soft and ever so kind, therefore it penetrates my heart, soul and mind. “Seek out the offended party to have the crucial conversation, thereby restore your inner peace that could be permanently forsaken.”

I listen to this moist and appealing gentle voice; I then pick up the phone and call the offended party feeling as if I had no choice. With words chosen carefully to mend what was lost, I humbly took a back seat to his emotions and let him be the boss.

Audibly there was a meeting of the minds and hearts, but for me the internal peace that had begun return is when the conversation really starts. As I quietly listened to his concerns, my heart was softened and my stomach no longer churned. I could finally feel the calm of what my mind and heart so desperately yearned…

Yes…peace for me…had finally returned!

Great things happen in the silence; what conversation would you be moved to have it you sat in the silence and listened to your inner voice?

8 thoughts on “No Peace for Me…”

  1. I now face this challenge. The conversation we have with ourselves is so spot on because it is how I’ve reasoned not to handle this situation. I know it something I have to do to restore my peace. Love this post. Thanks

    1. Sometimes, it’s very difficult to face a particular situation, but whether we recognize it or not, we face it everyday anyway. Every time we make an unconscious choice to avoid it, we in fact have faced it…just not in the way to restore peace. We are stronger than we think and we learn so much more about ourselves when we step out of our comfort zone and do the hard work. I believe in you Candace…I know you can do it. Grab your journal and start this journey. Phil. 4:13 Love you!

  2. Excellent topic listening to our inner self so important because it has literally SAVED me in so MANY ways through out the years.I think because deep down inside ” if” we choose to be honest with ourselves we know what the TRUTH is rather we want to admitt it or not.

    1. Ahhhhhh…the famous question: “What is TRUTH?” We know it when we hear it whether silently or audibly. Most often when we are listening silently to ourselves and our peace has been disrupted it stings. You are so right Lisa, it takes honesty to look at ourselves and sit in the truth. I love your candor and the open and honest communication we share. Thanks for your insight on this subject!

    1. Thank you Aroz;-) Self justification is almost an automatic default for giving ourselves permission to stay in a place of comfort. When a butterfly works its way out of the caterpillar stage, it is the struggle that creates the beauty and color in the wings. So it is with us, when we struggle to step out of our comfort zone and restore the peace we so strongly desire. Thank you for sharing your insight;-) Love you

  3. If I sat in the silence and listened to my inner voice, i would be moved to have many conversations with people who try to abuse my kindness. It would move me to tell them so many things about how I was feeling and how I would choose to deal with them from this point on. But in my silence I would probably choose to not say anything at all to keep the peace and just kindly take my exit. Leaving them to wonder what happened to my kindness.

    1. Wow! I’m sure they will wonder what happened and will miss your kindness. Your kindness is like a bee and pollen; you go around spreading it upon many. I’ve watched you set boundaries with many over the years and yet not lose the joy of giving. I’m so very proud of you…thank you for sharing Keeshi. You ROCK!

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